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Posted on Mar 25, 2010 in Economy, Government, Ideology, Issues, Liberalism, News, Spending

Progressive Diary: The Musings of Sebastian Van Der Douche, Harvard ’08

March 25th 2010

Dear Diary,

It has been a most eventful past few days. With the passage of Health Care I have no doubt that the plebes will finally acknowledge what we progressives have always known; that President Obama has already solidified his place as America’s greatest President.

For a moment there I was scared that the right-wing America haters would get there way and use the legislative process to deny us the victory we so rightly deserved. I mean really, how dare they use something as insignificant as votes to block the bill? It should have been done with Deem and Pass. Our health care is more important than the mere niceties of congressional procedure. The-worse-than- Hitler Republicans should be ashamed of themselves for bringing up the Constitution during the “debate” over the bill. The Constitution has no place in the discussion when it comes to progress and, better yet, there shouldn’t even be a debate. The Founding Fathers, though handicapped by their racist white outlooks, also would have seen the need to push health care through no matter the opposition. Somethings are more important than some 18th century scrap of paper.

Why even bother with open hearings or debates at all? The American people are too stupid and feckless to grasp the basic tenant that they need to be forced into health care. They embarrass themselves with all this talk of “what they want” and their pathetic protests and letters to Congress. They should just shut up and let the people that know best, we enlightened few, we band of brothers with Ivy League degrees, handle things. Like children, they know not what they do and must be put in their place. They don’t know what they want and they don’t know what is best for them. People like Speaker Pelosi need not answer to that shabby and dirty rabble.

Thanks to Republican run education systems in places like Texas, I bet they can’t even read much less articulate a real argument. “Privacy!” “States rights!” “Democratic process!” HA! It makes me laugh, it is like a five year old trying to understand Shakespeare and playing at adults with big boy words! Why do they hate America? Don’ they see they need to be forced to get healthcare? It will run down the deficit too (though I am not quite sure how, I am good with numbers but how does spending a trillion dollars lower the deficit? Why not just tax the shit out of fat-cats making over $30,000 a year?).

President Obama should do us all a favor and fence off everything between the Mississippi and California. Those so-called states resemble more of a third-world loony bin than the US. With their guns and superstitions as well as their racist, sexist and homophobic outlooks, those people belong more to a bad western than the modern era. They even like Sarah Palin! Ha! She doesn’t have a real degree (a “BA” from the “University” of Idaho….how droll!) How could they be so stupid!?!

Thank goodness though. Thank goodness our beloved leader, our Great One, our Dear One, had the courage to do whatever it necessary to pass the bill. He is from Chicago and you can tell! They have it right, they know that important things need to be passed and that the law shouldn’t get in the way. Giving dissenting pieces of shit whatever they wanted in pork for their districts was an inspired tactic! Our beloved President’s bold leadership saved the say from the stupid filthy masses!

It is a great day to be an American. I thought I would never see the day when the Democrats would finally get the courage to do whats right and put to bed silly notions of “Constitutionality” that stand in the way of whats best for America. We finally have a leader that will do whatever it takes to transform this nation into a real, modern social democracy! We will no longer have to be ashamed of America and lower our eyes when the French or Germans talk about the glories of cradle-to-grave government protection.

I have to run, first I have to pick up my check from McDonalds, then clean out my room at home (Mom is on me again) and then I have brie and wine with Jenny Williams-Anthony-Cohen and her life partner * Copeckny-Liter-Jones at the independent bookstore. Its poetry night! I hope my “Ode to Our Beloved One” is as well received as “Texas is Full of Stupid Rednecks and Racists.”

Berkeley, CA