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Posted on Jan 28, 2009 in DC Life, Government, Joe Biden

There is No Fat Lady in Washington

I noticed one thing about the recent coverage on the new administration. Little to nothing has been said about the Vice-President beyond his daily gaffes. While one is constantly bombarded with biographies and odes to the POTUS, even the shoddiest clip montage of Biden is a rarity. The media decided that the simple man from Scranton is little better than a prop in their slick Ron Howard production; something to be used, filmed and then sold at some studio auction along with Doric columns from the Denver convention. Well, I say to hell with that! They won’t get away with their atrocities so easily. Props matter too dammit and it is high time that we all pay tribute to a man that has bucked the odds, suffered more than one political death and survived a blood soaked game that eats its young and forces it’s brightest into the loony bin.




Up until August Joe Biden was one of the big losers of the Democratic Party, not once, but twice. The man had lost two bids for the White House in only what could be deemed embarrassing failures. His 2008 campaign was something of a joke, doomed from the beginning and more of a fare-well tour than anything else. After all, five people voted for Joe Biden in the primaries, and two of those people were dead.


1988 was different. Biden’s first campaign started out with great promise, and in fact, following Gary Hart’s ignominious departure following a sex scandal so lurid it made Larry Flynt blush, many people in the know thought Biden the fashionable choice in a weak field. Things were going Joe’s way for much of 1987, not only did he raise more cash than his competitors, but as the powerful Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee he had a ready-made platform from which the American people could get to know him. Biden’s star burned bright as the entire nation was transfixed to the Biden/Robert Bork duel of the silver tongues during the latter’s confirmation hearings for the Supreme Court. Not only did Joe hold his own against the best that conservative legal thought had to offer, but he managed to act human in the process, keeping his legendary loquaciousness in check.


What followed could only be described as the least vile of all political scandals to bring down a potential Presidential front-runner. Biden it seems, had the common habit of lifting lines from other people’s speeches. In particular, Joe had a predilection for Bobby Kennedy. Adding fuel to the innocuous fire, a former classmate from Syracuse Law School accused Biden of plagiarism during his 1L year. Though plagiarism is no small infraction, it is nothing in a town known for graft, theft, bald-faced treason and sexual deviance so profound as to be catalogued as the most wretched acts of perversion known to man or beast.


 As if the accusations of cheating weren’t bad enough, a CSPAN tape surfaced of Joe bragging at a campaign function in the most smug manner to a mere citizen about his great grades (actually unexceptional) and multiple degrees (only has two). Unfortunately for Joe, it was a slow news cycle and his prominence during the Bork hearings backfired on him badly. Biden’s outrages were splashed across TV screens and newspapers across the land. The media hemmed and hawed and outraged citizens kicked stray dogs in the street and gnashed their teeth in anger. As the legendary Hunter S. Thompson delicately put it:

“Sen. Biden with no front-warning at all was suddenly exposed as a liar, a plagiarist and a dupe who’d spent most of his life a whimpering, cheating fool…Biden immediately called a 9 A.M. press conference in Washington to flog himself on network TV and wallow publicly in his own guilt.”


So thus ended Joe Biden. The media swore he would never rise again and indeed, the specter of Plagiargate reared it’s ugly head during the 2008 election. To most in the media, Joe Biden was a dead end, he was political worm food. He would never rise higher than the Senate and the best he could ever hope to do was retire as an honored elder. Naturally, that was not the case. Biden was resurrected from the depths of mediocre media labeling and it turns out no one gave a damn about 1988 or even the 2008 primaries and he was universally hailed by the Dems as the perfect choice for Vice-President.


The lesson here is that the media, the prognosticators and seers that they are, are nothing but gibbering cold sores. Their continued existence cheapens all life found everywhere in the universe. If one recounts the sad litany of inevitability that the cretins had spouted during the last election cycle one might be aghast at how wrong they were. The truth is that THEY ARE ALWAYS WRONG and always will be. Let’s consider just this past year. According to the lovely media, Hillary should be President having defeated Rudy Giuliani in what could be termed more a massacre than an election. Hillary’s victory would have mirrored Nixon’s landslide in 1972 due to the well known fact that 40% of the American people would never, EVER, vote Republican after eight horrid years of George W. Bush.


One is reminded of previous fiats from on high with gems assuring George Bush Sr.’s demise before the Republican primaries in 1988, due to the OMG-worse-than-Watergate-Iran-Contra scandal, as well as Gary Hart’s assured place as the 41st President of the United States. Fast-forward to 1991. The same people pointed to the inevitability of Bush’s re-election against Tom Harkin. With that in mind it might be wise to rethink the notion that Sarah Palin will fade into the mists and that Hillary has been neutralized…


So this brings us all the way back to our friend Joe Biden. Dead to rights in the spring of 2008 and Vice-President by January 2009. What a difference a year can make. But let’s be honest. History has taught us that the only thing one has to do to have a great career in Washington is stay in office long enough to wash away past sins and become an icon. Longevity has a way of turning idiots into elder statesmen, morons into subject matter experts and pompous know-it-alls into the Vice-President (including that savage Alben Barkley, who could ever forgive his heinous crimes?).


Here’s to you Joe! You survived and struck it rich. Let your example shine forth for all those men that have lost big-time on different occasions. Third time is the charm. Who knows, maybe even Dan Quayle will rise from the dead. I give him 25-1 odds in 2016.